My Twisted Fairy Tale Storybook
by Ifylla Wyvern
Summary: A lot of fairy tale and nursery rhyme plotsnames entwined into one basic plot line. Think Shrek, only more twisted and not starring a scottish ogre.
1. Red Rocking Hood

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a young rock star. She always wore a red hooded sweatshirt, a red glitter miniskirt, and platform sandals to match. Her nickname was Red. Her band was called the Little Red Rockin' Hood. Red was known throughout the land as a bad-tempered spoiled brat. She yelled and screamed at all who crossed her path. One day, she decided she was going to demand a pay raise, so she set off to her record studio.  
  
Along the way, she met her rival record company's leading tyrant, nicknamed "The Wolf," for his cunning and sly business dealings.  
  
"Good Day to you, Red. You're looking rather. . . umm. . . moody today," sneered the Wolf.  
  
"Shut up, Wolfman. I'm in no mood for your mockery today. I'm saving my energy for the raise I'm asking for today." Red pushed past The Wolf and walked down the street.  
  
"Ahh, I'm sure you aren't. But we'll just have to...uh.... sway your stubborn point of view," the wolf muttered to himself as he sneaked away.  
  
Later, as Red marched into her agent's office, there sat someone who wasn't Red's agent. It was "The Wolf," disguised as someone else, but Red was so filled with rage and determination, that she failed to notice.  
  
"Excuse me, but you're not my agent! Where's Mrs. Grams?" Red spit out.  
  
"I'm sorry young lady, but Mrs. Grams is...uh...rather tied up at the moment. I am her replacement, Mr. Woodchopper. May I help you?"  
  
"You'd better! Look here, I. . . Whoa! What an ugly office you have here!" Red said rudely.  
  
"All the better to hire an interior decorator," stuttered the Wolf.  
  
"What's with the Drab gray suit? You ever heard of 'color?'" Red questioned.  
  
"All the better to hire a personal shopper," The Wolf said.  
  
"Okay, here's the deal. I want a raise. My working conditions are a dump, not to mention the management sucks," Red demanded.  
  
"All the better to. . . ditch this candy stand and sign a contract with me!" The Wolf announced as he leapt out of his chair, ripping of his disguise.  
  
"Ahhhh! You little . . . I'm calling my lawyer and suing you for forceful negotiations!" Red exclaimed as she ran out of the building.  
  
When Red had reached the street, she stopped to fix a strap on one of the platforms, and a great shadow covered her. Red looked up and screamed, as a house fell on her. 


	2. The House That Fell From the Sky

The door to the enormous expensive-looking house creaked as it opened, and out stepped a teenage girl, followed by her pet toy poodle. Looking around curiously, she spoke to her dog.  
  
"Oh, my. Tutu, I don't think we're in Hollywood any more."  
  
She walked to the side of the house, and found herself staring at what seemed to be two deflated feet sticking out from under the house, wearing red glitter platform sandals. Being greedy, the young girl took the shoes, as the feet curled up like flesh-colored stockings. As she put on the shoes, all the people Red had ever harassed appeared and circled around the girl sing an annoying song.  
  
"You killed the wicked witch, the wicked witch of the West Side!" There was a poof of smoke as a woman appeared, wearing a horrid pink frilly business suit.  
  
"Hello dear. I'm Mrs. Goodfairy. I couldn't help but notice that you look like you could be a model. Tell me, dear, what might your name be?" The strange lady asked inquiringly in a sickeningly sweet voice.  
  
"Oh, my name is Dorothia. However, I was an actress in Hollywood, I suppose I'd make a good model, since the camera does love me," Dorothia replied.  
  
And so it began. Dorothia Became a member of the Father Gander Modeling Agency, while her dog made guest appearances on talk shows, claiming to be the "Wizard-dog of Hollywood."  
  
Dorothia was told never to step off the "Golden Catwalk," as the outside world was dangerous. So Dorothia adhered to the rule, at least, until that one twisted day. Dorothia was doing a fashion show on the latest trends of the "Exiled Princess" in the Goldilocks Woods. At about halfway through, Dorothia saw a scrumptious- looking house in the distance. It was made of gingerbread! Being a curious individual, and having starved herself to look good in the dress she was wearing, Dorothia decided to walk over. The exact moment Dorothia stepped off the catwalk, everything disappeared in a flash. Scared and alone, Dorothia made a run for it. 


	3. The Model Who Fasted Too Much

As Dorothia neared the gingerbread house, she realized that it was quite short. She was tired and hungry, so she stooped through the doorway and entered the house. The sight that greeted her made her practically jump out of her skin. The house was surprisingly squeaky clean! Never in all her life had Dorothia seen such a clean dwelling. The floor was clean enough to eat off, the tables shined like mirrors, and not a mousetrap in sight! Then, Dorothia noticed the seven strange bowls of pudding arranged on the table. Unable to contain her famine any longer, Dorothia got to work. After eating what her stomach desired, Dorothia fell asleep on the comfiest of seven small chairs in front of a big-screen Television. Presently, a small off-tune humming became audible. The well-oiled door opened as seven stout men entered. Quickly, they noticed something was wrong. The floor was now covered with the remaining contents of their pudding bowls, which lay strewn across the table. Walking into the den, they came across the beautiful young maiden asleep in a chair. 


	4. Dorothia and the Seven Incredibly Short ...

"What the-?!"  
  
"Get it out of my chair," yelled an angry-looking man.  
  
"Shut it, Cranky. She's trying to sleep. Speaking of sleeping-," whispered a yawning tired man as he slumped to the floor unexpectedly, and began snoring away.  
  
"Drowsy is in some serious need of caffeine. I say we start cleaning up. After all, nothing can put a damper on our happiness. Not even the girl," grinned a man who looked too happy.  
  
"Cheery, I think you're on drugs. No one is that happy all the time. Well, except for Druggy. But he's like that. I think it has to do with a mental dependency for something that will not leave him like his mother did," proclaimed a short glasses-wearing man in need of Rogaine.  
  
"Shut up, Shrink. I don't need your opinion. I'm fine the way I am. And maybe when this chick wakes up, she and I can-," suggested a sleazy-looking guy with bloodshot eyes and a cigarette hanging between yellow teeth.  
  
"Oh no you don't, Druggy! I think she's purty when she sleeps," sighed a blushing man.  
  
"Get a life, Rosey. Let's not wake her up. Ah-ah-ah-!" stuttered a man with an incredibly red and runny nose.  
  
"Oh, no, not again, Snotty," all the men said in unison, shaking their heads and ducking.  
  
"Ah-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Dorothia woke up with a snort. She wiped drool off the corner of her mouth with her sleeve and blinked in confusion.  
  
"Hey baby. The name's Druggy. How you doin'?"  
  
Dorothia's eyes widened and she screamed. She jumped up and ran to the door, grabbing a bag of chips on her way out.  
  
"Well, that went well." 


End file.
